I’m sitting across the table from my friend as she tells me the pain and depression that have been overwhelming her. This day, five years ago, her beautiful 18-year-old daughter stopped breathing on her own. Two days later she was gone.
My mind races to thoughts of my own amazing daughter. I can’t imagine the pain my friend must be experiencing. I don’t want to. It is too hard. Yet, here she is, living it everyday.
My friend wanted to have dinner on this evening because the pain of being alone during this time is too unbearable. There is also a charity event that she feels obligated to attend and ask me to be her date. I’m in.
I showed up for dinner and I saw the disappointment on her face. I didn’t dress in the 60’s inspired theme outfit for the party as we had discussed. I had my reasons (a.k.a. excuses). How could I have worn over-the-knee metallic boots into the office for two meetings and then walked the few blocks through the city to meet her for dinner? I would have looked crazy!
Realization: I let the thought of what complete strangers would think guide my choices. My own insecurities drove me to show up and disappoint a friend who needed me to bring happiness into her day. Here I was trying to fit into the “normal box” of “comfortable complacency”. What was I thinking!
I got on the phone, asked for a favor, and 20 minutes later I was in the restaurant bathroom making a wardrobe change. Her smile radiated when I walked back to the table. I don’t think it was so much my clothing change that brought her joy. I think she needed to see the strong and confident Rachel. She needed my strength to help her feel strong.
Put on your own oxygen mask first
We all know the flight attendant pre-takeoff script, “In case of a cabin pressure emergency, put on your own mask first before assisting others.” You can’t help anyone until you tend to yourself first.
My fulfillment in life comes from helping others find their own strength and reach their own goals. It is my bliss. Yet, I can not help others if I do not feel strong and confident.
Fake it until you make it
This quote set on my desk for many years. I explain to people, it only applies to confidence. You can not fake knowledge. You can not fake compassion. But sometimes we need to fake our confidence until we believe it for ourselves.
What I am learning
People see me differently than I see myself. With every comfort zone challenge, I encounter people who see me as successful, strong and confident. Yes, this is who I used to be but not how I have been living the past several months. When we accept the encouragement of others, it helps us have the courage to show up. Day by day I am becoming stronger. Day by day I am becoming happier.
Thank you for all of the love, support and encouragement.
Thank you Michael for going out of your way to bring me a wardrobe change đŸ™‚
With love and gratitude,
Rachel
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